


Not Quite Right

by MysticPuma



Category: Magical Diary (Visual Novels)
Genre: Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Genderfluid Character, Hieronymous being a good husband, Horse Hall Protagonist, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Other, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23218030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticPuma/pseuds/MysticPuma
Summary: A story in snapshots of the Horse Hall Protagonist's life, as e discovers e is genderfluid/non-binary, and how eir husband, Hieronymous, and eir friends help em cope with it.
Relationships: Hieronymous Grabiner/Main Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Something is wrong... But there's too much going on

**Author's Note:**

> \- This is… self-indulgent. Extremely so. I, myself, am gender-fluid/non-binary, and it’s a long journey to self-understanding, self-acceptance and self-love that I haven’t finished yet, and may never finish. There’s no fix, I’m not a magical creature that can change my outer appearance to suit my inner feeling, I can’t even get corrective surgery or Hormone Replacement Therapy, because my inner-feelings change so drastically that I’d just have the same issue in the opposite way.  
> \- This fic requires no knowledge of Wolf Hall. I work under the theory that the two games are set in parallel universes, since the Horse Hall protagonist is nowhere to be seen in Wolf Hall, and vice versa. But I just have the head-canon that the Horse Hall Protagonist simply never met the characters that Wolf Hall protag does - e.g. Professor Van Brun, Miss Darden and Blaise.  
> \- What’s important, plot wise, is that this follows the “best ending” of Professor Grabiner’s route, following the Horse Hall protagonist - who I’ve always called Arianna so I’m just gonna stick with that.

_**Age 12** _

Arianna couldn’t fully explain it, but something felt _wrong_. Yesterday had been fine, but there was just something off as she looked in the mirror that morning. She couldn’t place why the feeling was occurring, all she knew was that looking in the mirror was making her feel slightly sick. Her day at school was stressful, everything seemed to get on top of her easier, and it wasn’t pleasant at all.

Her Mom said she was probably just hitting puberty, and hormones were kicking in. Arianna supposed that meant that everyone felt this way then. It would surely pass.

It did, after a couple of days. She looked in the mirror and everything felt okay again, and she had a good day. _Phew_. She thought.

But the feeling came back. Over and over again, it left and then it came back… Sometimes it would last a couple of hours, sometimes a couple of days, sometimes even a couple of weeks. _It’s just hormones… It’s normal… It’ll be fine…_ She repeated those mantras over and over in her head, and ignored the growing feeling of unease.

She smothered it, made herself smile in the hopes that eventually she’d forget how to frown.

But still… Every few days, something just felt wrong.

* * *

_**Age 13** _

A strange woman came to the door. Her hair was stuffed hap-hazardly under a pointed hat, and she was wearing a long dress(?) made of thick fabric, with long sleeves and a cloak to finish the look off. Somehow Arianna didn’t find it odd to look at, despite how different to ordinary clothes her entire ensemble was… The woman told her that she was a witch. A tiny flame of hope lit up inside the young teen. Maybe that’s what was missing, maybe that was why she felt wrong some days. Maybe it was just her magic begging to be used.

Arianna didn’t like that her magic was going to be sealed for the next three years… if this really was the missing piece, then that was another 3 years of the same odd, unpleasant feeling that she’d been having… But it couldn’t be helped, and the woman assured her that she wouldn’t have to think about it during that time. Without much choice in the matter, Arianna resigned herself to an agonising wait.

Her memory was altered, and she forgot why she was so eager to go to boarding school in a few years… She forgot why she felt like it would fix everything, but she clung to that hope regardless.

Every time she’d look in the mirror and feel that sickness coming over her, she would remind herself that it was only temporary, that something would surely change when she went to boarding school. _It’s just hormones… It’s normal… It’ll be fine…_

* * *

_**Age 16** _

She’d thought magic was the missing piece, but things still felt wrong… Every so often, that same feeling would still surface, despite the fact that now she was using her magic. Surely learning magic should be making that feeling go away? But no… it didn’t seem to have affected it at all. Ellen and Virginia noticed that, sometimes, their roommate seemed off; as if she was uncomfortable for some reason, but they could never pinpoint what was causing it, and Arianna would always deny that anything was wrong. They debated going to Potsdam, but it wasn’t as if it was affecting Arianna’s school-work, or anything else for that matter… And maybe it was something she needed to deal with on her own.

Arianna tried to just get on with her life. Maybe it would just take time, and as she settled into her magical existence things would start to feel better. After all, she was contending with home-sickness now as well. Besides, she was only sixteen, deep in the midst of puberty. _It’s just hormones… It’s_ normal… _It’ll be fine…_

The mantras weren’t keeping her calm the way they used to though. Before, she had a finite date to look forward to, some idea of when things might get better. Sure, she’d been wrong, but it had given her hope, and made living with the feeling easier. Now though, there was nothing to look forward to, no goal in sight… So she set one. The end of the year. By the end of the school year, things would surely have settled.

Maybe it was the stress of being Treasurer. It may not involve a massive amount of work, but it was still taking up time and energy, right?

Something that seemed to stick in Arianna’s head was Professor Potsdam’s talk about gender and pronouns in January… There was something about it, not that Arianna could entirely place what it was, that had it circling in her mind.

But she didn’t get a chance to really try and figure it out, because she walked in to see her professor unconscious on the floor. She’d rushed to his side, and now… now she was a bride, and her head was a mess.

It had already been one of those days; she hadn’t been able to make herself look in the mirror that morning as she’d put on her uniform, or brushed her hair. She hadn’t been able to stomach putting any make-up on, and she had been glad that it was saturday so she could just do the mail and then hide away… But now Potsdam was shoving her into a dress, dabbing powder on her cheeks and she couldn’t tell what was causing the nausea anymore. Was it the wrong feeling? Or was it the fact that she was marrying her Professor? Was it both? Neither? Her head felt fit to burst.

Somehow, seeing him, with his shoulder-length hair, and his ornate, flowing robes, calmed her, and the wrong feeling was replaced fully by the fact that she was _marrying her Professor_. 

Once he was gone though, and she was alone with Minnie and Professor Potsdam, that feeling returned… and the makeup on her face felt so heavy she wanted to scratch it off. She didn’t feel like she belonged… Why did everything feel so _wrong_?

That night, when she was finally left alone, she stood in the shower for far longer than was necessary. After she’d scrubbed her face to the point of pain, she let her tears mingle with the water, not bothering to question why they fell anymore. What did it matter why she was crying? What did it matter why she felt sick? What did any of it matter? She’d screwed up big time, and now she had to deal with this massive secret on top of pretending to be okay all the time… 

_Something’s wrong with me… I’m not normal… Why can’t I just be okay?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I wish Magical Diary was more mainstream, because I would use e/em as my pronouns in a heartbeat… But it’s not, and explaining those pronouns to everyone would be a goddamn pain in the ass, so I go by they/them.  
> \- This story was inspired by the new character of Blaise in Wolf Hall, whose inclusion made me actually tear up a bit. I wanted to explore how, in the magical world, it might be possible for humans to at least mimic what Blaise can do, and how different life for a gender-fluid person could be in a world that already has creatures that don’t fall into the binary of male and female.  
> \- If anyone is wondering why I use she/her pronouns for Arianna for the majority of the story, it’s because that’s what e goes by before realising e is non-binary. It just flows better as a narrative device to me *shrug*.


	2. A Lukewarm Summer

“Arianna! Dinner’s ready!” Came the voice of her Mom. Arianna sighed, put down her pen and pushed herself up from her desk. She waved a hand over the piece of paper she’d been reading, and the words on it were replaced by blankness. A simple enough illusion, and probably unnecessary; it wasn’t as if her parents ever went into her room for anything. But it was better to be overly cautious… She couldn’t allow her parents to learn about magic, or her impromptu husband for that matter.

It was normal now, to hide the truth. Questions weren’t frequent, but when they did crop up, she had to lie, and it felt awful every single time. She was used to lying about her classes and her personal life now though.

  
Arianna couldn’t remember the last time she’d answered a question completely honestly. If she talked about School, every word was a lie. She didn’t have Math, or Science, or any other ‘normal’ subject. When her parents asked her about her friends, she had to tip-toe around the subject, avoiding talking about their goals or interests apart from their shared hobby of sports club.

But the subject of romance was by far the worst. She’d made the mistake of telling them she was interested in a guy… And that had invited a barrage of questions, the answers to which all had to be lies. 

On the other hand though, Arianna had been lying for many years anyway, in pretending to her parents and herself that nothing was wrong. She had almost expected the on-off ‘wrong’ feeling to worsen at home, but it had become clear already that her magic wasn’t the cause of the feeling… And true to that, it didn’t actually get worse, which was a relief. It didn’t ease at all, but she was used to that by now as well. 

Dinner was subdued. Her Mom had a sad look in her eyes, and she was eating slowly, stretching out the time from cutting her food to placing the chunk in her mouth, and then elongating the action of chewing, taking minutes to chew up a piece of potato that should take seconds. She was clearly only eating out of habit, and not actually thinking about it. Arianna had a feeling it was because it was two more days before she’d be going back to school. 

She couldn’t entirely fathom why. It wasn’t as if they’d had a kodak-worthy summer. Sure, they’d gone on a weekend break to New York City… But that was the only thing of interest they’d really done together. Most of the time, Arianna was only a half-presence in her parents’ lives. They were aware of her existence, but they weren’t as close as they used to be. It was to be expected, she supposed; an effect of the magic to keep them from finding out about their daughter’s magic. 

Still, they’d perhaps grown used to her quiet, but constant, presence: the occasional creak of the floorboards overhead when she moved to get a new book; the whir of her laptop, which she didn’t actually use but turned on for the sake of acting ‘normal’, and the quiet humming she could sometimes be heard doing when she was thinking or reading. They were small things, but they meant that Arianna was there. And soon, those little things would be gone again, along with her. 

It couldn’t be helped though. Arianna could only hope that her own home-sickness would be lesser this time around.

She returned to her room, shut the door and slumped into her chair with a sigh. As her hand came into contact with the piece of paper sitting atop the polished wood, the illusion melted away to reveal the letter she’d received that day from her husband. She’d only just got around to reading it when dinner was called, so she was happy to return to the task now.

_Arianna,_

_How strange it is to realise that summer is nearly over. It simultaneously feels as if it has passed incredibly quickly and indeterminably slowly. I suppose there is little point in me expecting a reply from you this week, since you will likely arrive before your letter would._

_Regardless, I hope you are well, and that you are prepared for your Sophomore year. You may have told me you were keeping up with your studies, but I shall be waiting to see the proof of that in lessons when you return. I shall be rather disappointed if I find out that you were merely placating me with falsehoods._

Arianna bit her lip. While it was true that she had been keeping up with her studies, and would have no trouble proving as much when she returned to Iris, the very fact that he wrote ‘placating me with falsehoods’ stung, because that was what she had to do with her parents… And, to some extent, with everyone in her life - including herself.

_Do not forget that for the first month of the year, you must maintain your duties as treasurer, until the new officers are elected, presuming you do not intend to keep the position for yourself of course._

_I suppose I shall take this moment to extend an open invitation to you to visit me on weekends, outside of the time I must spend hosting detentions, should you be so inclined. You of course have no obligation to do so, as I am certain you’ve a great many other things you should like to do with your weekends, but the offer is there regardless. That includes the weekend of your return._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Hieronymous_

Arianna couldn’t help but smile a bit at that last paragraph. The handwriting was slightly less elegant, though the difference was subtle, and through that and the wording she could sense his nerves in writing it. It was a simple invitation, and it wasn’t as if she hadn’t been to see him before… But it felt like a step.

* * *

Meanwhile, sat in the dorm room on her own, Ellen had a letter of her own to read. It was from Virginia, whose correspondence with her friends had been sporadic to put it lightly. She had read Arianna’s last letter of the summer a couple of days ago and wasn’t expected to write a reply since they’d see each other so soon. The blonde pealed open the envelope and out fell a rough piece of paper, clearly torn from a notepad.

_Hey Ellen,_

_Sorry, I know I haven’t written all summer, I’ll make it up to you somehow! If it makes you feel better, I forgot to write to Arianna too! I liked reading the letters both of you sent to me, but I swear there’s still something up with Arianna._

_I figured she’d be alright after our talk in the dungeons. I mean, she likes Grabby, and we made it clear we’re fine with that. But she still seems off whenever she writes. I dunno, maybe I’m overthinking it, I’m not exactly the best at figuring out emotions… But maybe we should talk to her?_

_Oh, actually maybe we should get Grabby to talk to her? He’s got the whole authority angle, plus the husband thing?_

_We’ll have to talk about it when I get back to school. See you then!_

_Virginia_

_P.S. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! I’ll be better next year, promise!_

Ellen couldn’t help giggling slightly at her friend’s poor memory, but it didn’t distract her from the main point of the letter… It was a point she agreed with, but it wasn’t exactly a new development. Virginia was slightly oblivious, so she hadn’t noticed, but Arianna had always seemed to have ‘off’ days. She’d thought about trying to talk to her about it for a while, but hadn’t known what to say, or even if her hunch was right. With Virginia agreeing though, Ellen was certain she hadn’t been overthinking and she couldn’t just leave it alone, not if Arianna was struggling with something.

Perhaps she should go and talk to Professor Grabiner herself? No; she needed to wait for Virginia. Besides… facing Grabiner alone was not something she wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- This…. Was going to be in snapshots…. Now it’s more in segments of random character development… Ooooooops. I tried to mostly just summarise the main events of the year rather than going into them in detail at least, otherwise this fic would never have got finished >.<  
> \- It was also only meant to focus on the gender thing, but since I’m Grabiner trash, I couldn’t help but put in these bits of relationship development and stuff - don’t judge me >.<  
> \- On a side note: this fic is almost entirely written, so updates will be swift and I hope to have it finished within a few days.


	3. Back To School

Arianna could see Ellen and Virginia hugging from the gates, and smiled, quickening her pace to reach her friends; thoughts of how wrong she felt that day forgotten for a brief, blissful moment. 

Ellen was the first to notice Arianna, as Virginia let go of her, and the blonde’s already wide grin widened further. “Welcome back!” She waited for Virginia to step aside before moving forward to embrace her other roommate. Then, two thin arms encircled both of them as Virginia joined in the hug. “Virginia won’t let me touch her stuff… Can I at least help you with yours?” Arianna could only assume that Virginia’s sweet stash was spread across all of her luggage, if she wasn’t allowing Ellen to touch any of it. 

“I can handle it, but if you really want to then sure.” She knew better than to deny Ellen the chance to help. Soon enough, their things were lugged into the dorm-room. 

“I’d ask how your summer was, but you both already told me your summers in detail… Boring, boring detail.” Virginia grumbled as she practically jumped onto her bed. 

A familiar glint appeared in Ellen’s eye; she always found it oddly satisfying to get one-up on Virginia. “But you didn’t write back, so we can still ask how your summer was. With all the boring details, if you don’t mind.”

But Virginia had seen Arianna glance at the clock the minute they’d entered the room and shook her head. “I can talk about that later. Arianna clearly wants to be somewhere else.” A teasing tone had entered her voice, and Arianna spun to look at her, shocked.

“What? No! I want to hear about your summer!”

“You can hear about my summer anytime, but I’m guessing tea-time with Grabby isn’t so flexible?”

Arianna bit her lip. It wasn’t as if he had given her a specific time, but he wouldn’t want to have tea in the evening, would he? “I dunno. He didn’t… I mean, I can go anytime…”

“So he _did_ invite you to go see him!?” Virginia watched in triumph as Arianna’s face swiftly went red. “I’m guessing you sent each other sickening love letters or something over summer?”

“No! We just… wrote to each other every couple of weeks, that’s all. And he said I could come and see him if I wanted to…” 

“You’d better not keep him waiting, then.” Virginia winked, and although it seemed impossible, Arianna went a deeper shade of red. “Go on, you can always unpack later to the tales of my summer.”

“If you guys are sure…?” Arianna asked, clearly feeling a little guilty about dashing away just after arriving. It was Ellen’s easy smile that finally convinced her, and she took her leave after hugging each of them.

As the door closed, Ellen’s smile faded into a worried expression, and the two girls exchanged a look, followed by a nod. “There was definitely an air of discomfort, wasn’t there?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t seem like we caused it. Like, she was uncomfortable before I even mentioned Grabby.”

“So… what are we going to do about it? If something is wrong, there must be a good reason she isn’t telling us. After all, she had a good reason for not telling us about the marriage.”

Virginia hummed in thought. “You’re right… But I’m crap with stuff like this. I dunno what to do. Maybe we should just go to Potsdam? She’s good at sticking her nose in people’s business, I bet she’d figure out what was up easily.”

Ellen shook her head. “If Arianna doesn’t want _us_ knowing, I doubt she’ll want Professor Potsdam to know.” Virginia grumbled at her friend’s observation, flopping back on her bed with a sigh. “Maybe we can figure it out ourselves, now that we’re looking for the behaviour? Observation may be our best tool for now.” Virginia full on groaned in irritation at the idea. “I know you want a quick-fix, but aside from casting Empathy on her we don’t have any real options. And casting Empathy on someone is a massive breach of privacy. I’d much rather she came to us on her own…”

“Yeah. So would I. I don’t like the idea that she’s suffering with some other huge secret…”

The two lapsed into contemplative silence.

Arianna, meanwhile, had found her way to the familiar door that led into her husband’s quarters. She’d been careful to avoid anyone noticing her heading in the direction of the teacher’s block; Virginia and Ellen knowing that she was visiting him was fine, but not other people - that would just invite more rumours. Anxiety began to flood her mind though. _What if he isn’t in? What if he doesn’t actually want to see me, and he was just being polite? What if I’m disturbing him? What if-_

She cut her own thoughts off. She had already made it here, what was there to lose in at least knocking? Nothing… Except maybe a bit of dignity. She was kind of glad to already be wearing her robes; they felt like a bit of an armor… They helped combat the wrong feeling. If she’d been allowed to wear her own clothes, it would have been a baggy jeans and hoodie kind-of day, and that wasn’t exactly an impression she wanted to give her husband. Forcing her thoughts back to the present moment, Arianna took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

It was a long few seconds before the handle clicked and the wooden barrier moved to reveal Hieronymous, whose expression morphed from mild irritation to pleasant surprise as he noticed who it was that had disturbed his reading.

“Arianna. What a pleasant surprise.” Perhaps he shouldn’t have been surprised; he had invited her after all. But Hieronymous Grabiner was no optimist, and he had rather assumed that his young wife would prefer to spend her first day back with her friends. Nevertheless, here she was, smiling nervously. There was a strain in her eyes though... _Does she really want to be here?_ He shook that thought away; he had made it clear that she had no obligation to see him, and she had in-turn made it clear that she did in fact _want_ to. He shelved the observation for further perusal later, stepping aside slightly and gesturing with his hand that she may enter. “I trust your journey was pleasant?”

Her smile widened minutely as she entered his room, completely unchanged from the last time she’d been there. She fought the blush that threatened to rise to her cheeks at the memory. “Yeah. I mostly just read in the back-seat. Conversations with my parents are…” she struggled to find a word.

“Awkward?” Hieronymous supplied, and Arianna nodded in agreement. He almost launched into a standard speech about wildseed families, memories and issues, but he bit his tongue. There was every possibility that the strain in her eyes was caused by that very subject; besides, it wasn’t as if she was unaware of the issues. She was experiencing them first hand, and had written about them frequently in her letters, so he doubted she needed - nor wanted - further reinforcement. 

She shrugged. “It’s not too bad. Just sucks that I have to lie to them about _everything_. And oh my god, they ask _so many questions_.” Her shoulders slumped in exasperation at the mere memory of the barrage she’d received after the mistake of mentioning that she liked someone. Hieronymous held back a chuckle at his wife’s distress.

He closed the door and directed her to sit at the small table he had set up in the event that she did come to see him. “Parents do tend to. I must say, I can relate to that irritation all too well.” 

Arianna shot her husband an amused look as she took a seat. “Can you? As far as I can tell, you don’t actually read any of your Dad’s questions.” He smirked.

“Why read a letter you don’t intend to reply to?” The way he saw it, if anything dire were to happen, his Father would simply contact him directly through Petunia; the old man was fully aware that Hieronymous burned his letters - he honestly wasn’t sure why the poor sod still bothered sending them.

The teen shrugged. “Point taken.”

“What sorts of things did your parents ask about?” Hieronymous asked as he sat, realising too late that such a question might fall under the uncomfortable subject he had previously tried to avoid. Instead of the pained expression he expected to cross his wife’s face though, she simply went pink.

The barrage of questions had been _specifically_ about the ‘guy she liked’. Considering the conversation they’d had at the end of last year, she knew he was aware that she _liked_ him… but was telling her parents about it too far? Even if she hadn’t divulged a single thing about him? “Well… Uh… They um…” It was her husband’s raised eyebrow of concern that convinced Arianna to just come out with it - he’d only imagine worse questions if she didn’t. “They asked if I had ‘met anyone’… If I ‘liked’ anyone.” 

Understanding washed over his features. “Ah, of course. I imagine the tone of those questions were vastly different from each of them?”

“Yep. Dad was kind of insultingly stereotypical about the whole thing really. You know, the whole ‘if anyone touches my baby girl, he’s dead’ thing.” The word ‘girl’ stuck in Arianna’s throat, settling unpleasantly in her stomach as she sat there, but she battled through it - not that her efforts stopped Hieronymous from noticing that pained look flicker in her eyes again. “Mum was more curious - which I think was worse. She was asking stuff like ‘what does he look like?’ and ‘how old is he?’…” She trailed off, her nausea falling slightly by the way-side at the sudden distraction. “Come to think of it, I don’t actually _know_ how old you are…” Her arms suddenly flailed up in panic. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to!”

Swallowing down the desperate urge to ask if something was amiss, Hieronymous smiled. “It is perfectly reasonable to wonder, and I suppose I’ve no reason to avoid telling you. I am thirty-one.” Arianna laughed softly, and his eyebrow raised in confusion. 

“Sorry, just imagining my Dad’s reaction if I told him that. Which I never, ever, ever will.”

“A sensible course of action, I imagine.” Remembering himself, Hieronymous brought over the tray of tea he had prepared - yes, he had prepared tea in case she had indeed visited him… he was trying not to dwell on that fact too much. Arianna felt a smile tug at her lips as she realised, but kept the happy little thought to herself. She’d learned early that it was best _not_ to push her husband’s buttons.

With a wave of his hand, the tea was warmed to perfect temperature, and it was pouring itself. It was a weave of simple spells that Arianna watched unfold with no small amount of awe. Once the tea was poured, she took up her cup with a bright smile and thanked him before taking a sip. Hieronymous felt a little of the worry that had settled into his heart ebb away at the sight of his wife smiling so freely, and he almost forgot it entirely as she began to ask him how he’d done all those things without so much as an incantation. 

Even as he explained though, watching her eyes sparkle with interest, he couldn’t help but see the stress lingering in the way she held herself, and in the way her smile faltered ever so slightly when there was a lull in the conversation. Something was most definitely wrong… But he had no idea how to figure out what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- 31 is just the age I put him at - I don’t think it’s ever actually stated in either game. Honestly, my youngest estimate for him would be about 28, oldest around 35, so I kind of went in the middle of that. He could be way younger, even taking into account the fact that he has clearly been there for the entirety of William’s time at the school… maybe even 25 at a stretch, but I think early 30s suits him best *shrug*.


	4. Communication

Nearly two months into the school-year: student officers had been elected (or more accurately re-elected; both Minnie and Arianna had run for class office and won their respective campaigns), the second dungeon exam had come and gone and the Dark Dance was just three days away. And this was the first time in two months that Professor Grabiner had the chance to pull Ellen Middleton aside after Blue Magic class to talk to her. 

At first, fear had alighted in the blonde’s eyes. Had she messed up in the last exam and not realised? Was she doing something that she wasn’t supposed to? What if-

“Do not panic, Miss Middleton. I assure you that you are not in trouble. This was simply the only moment I could find to talk to you without Arianna around.” Arianna was quite keen on Blue Magic, and that meant that she was almost always present in the lessons that Ellen attended - today had been a rare exception, since Arianna was busy hitting the gym, because her strength had been almost too low for her to pass the last exam and she was slightly over-compensating for that over-sight.

Ellen relaxed, the tension melting from her shoulders as her anxious thoughts returned to the back of her mind where they belonged. Then, she frowned. This was about Arianna…? “Is… everything okay?”

Hieronymous did his best to ignore how utterly humiliating it was that he was practically asking a teenager for relationship help, but he reasoned that he was simply asking the person who might know his wife best, and it was about something that may not actually be related to their admittedly odd relationship. “That is what I had hoped you might be able to enlighten me on. Have you noticed that sometimes Arianna appears to be… uncomfortable, for no discernible reason? I am trying to ascertain whether it is my doing, or some external factor.”

Ellen’s eyes widened. “So… you’ve noticed, too? Virginia and I have been trying to figure it out since term started, but no luck!”

“I don’t know whether to be reassured or more concerned that you have also noticed…”

“Me neither… It’s been going on since last year. At first, we thought it was just the stress of the whole marriage thing, you know?” He nodded in understanding - he had come to the same conclusion after all. “But I think I remember her having those days even before that… and the marriage thing is… well… fine now, right?” She looked uncertain, the same fear-of-being-wrong that he so frequently saw when she answered questions in class, and he refrained from rolling his eyes. 

“As far as I am aware, yes. ‘The marriage thing’ is fine.”

“So it’s got to be something else… Something that she’s always struggled with?”

The teacher let out a slight sigh. “Our problem is shared, it would seem: how can we find out what the issue is? I would have expected her to tell you if something was wrong. You are her closest friend, as far as I can tell.”

“Well… I mean… Virginia too… But I guess she’s not too good with this stuff, so yeah, I’d hope Arianna would tell me if something was really badly wrong. At least, unless she’s got a really good reason to not tell me, like with-”

“-the marriage, yes.” He cut her off with a curt look and Ellen nodded; that was not the topic they were discussing, nor a topic either of them wanted to dwell on. “Have you, by chance, asked her if something is wrong?”

“Yeah. She always says no.”

“I had a feeling that might be the case… I have yet to ask; I imagine I would have a lower chance than you of getting an answer.”

Ellen grimaced in lieu of a reply; it was all the answer he needed. “Have you… noticed any patterns? As in… um… familiar times that it happens?” Hieronymous shook his head silently and the blonde’s shoulders slumped. “If only we had something to go on. Maybe there’s a trend, and we’ve just been missing it.”

“Perhaps. But until we find one, I doubt we can do anything… I shall attempt to ask her if something is wrong myself, though I doubt it will help. For now, you may go. Thank you, Miss Middleton.” 

“Okay. Bye, Professor.” Ellen said, with a little more speed than was strictly necessary, before she dashed away. Hiernoymous sighed deeply, letting his head fall into his hands. 

Ellen returned to the dorm-room, almost expecting Arianna to already be there. Thankfully, she wasn’t, but Virginia was; the red-head was napping. Ellen felt a little guilty about waking her up, and doubtless she’d receive a glare for it, but she needed to talk to Virginia before Arianna got back. So, after putting her books away, she braced herself and shook Virginia’s shoulder - though she made sure to step back in case of flying limbs.

After a few moments, a very irritated Virginia was sat up staring at her blonde friend expectantly. “Well? What’d you wake me up for?”

“Professor Grabiner just asked me if we’d noticed anything off about Arianna’s behaviour. He’s noticed it too.” The moment their other roommates’ name left her lips, Virginia’s eyes widened and she woke up properly. 

“Wait… are you saying Grabby just asked you for advice?”

“That’s not the point, but yes. He was worried he’d done something wrong; but I’m sure it’s an ongoing problem.”

Virginia grimaced. “I don’t think he could do any wrong in her eyes anyway.” Her expression turned sheepish in response to the unamused gaze of Ellen. 

“This is serious. Something is wrong. We’ve all seen it, but even the Professor hasn’t noticed a pattern to it. She just seems ‘uncomfortable, for no discernible reason’.” She quoted. “But there has to be a reason, if only we could-” her mouth snapped shut as the door opened and the subject of their conversation entered the room, panting heavily and sweating profusely, her sports vest-top sticking to her skin slightly. “Hey, Arianna. You look tired… I hope you didn’t overdo it.” It didn’t look like she was just tired though. It was another one of those days, Ellen was sure of it. Arianna’s eyes were duller than normal, and there was a familiar tension lingering in her shoulders and jaw-line.

Pulling her hair out of the messy ponytail it had been in, Arianna shrugged. “I need to up my fitness, or I probably won’t pass the next exam.” She then proceeded to unceremoniously flop onto her bed, waving her hand in dismissal of the comment she expected to receive from Ellen. “I’ll shower in a minute… I need to lie down for a bit.” Ellen bit her lip to hold back her ‘mother-voice’, as Virginia had often called it.

An awkward silence fell over the three teenagers. Ellen and Virginia exchanged a look; they had both noticed the tension in their friend’s frame. After a few minutes, it got too much. “Are you okay, Arianna?” Virginia asked brazenly, causing Ellen to tense slightly.

“Yeah, just tired.” Arianna dismissed, with another flippant wave of her hand. The other two sighed. A few more uncomfortable minutes passed before Arianna was recovered enough to go and shower.

“We’ve got to do something… It’s driving me nuts, seeing her all stressed.” Virginia muttered.

Ellen stared at the door sadly. “Me too…”

* * *

Arianna avoided looking in the mirror the entire time she was in the bathroom. It was bad today… really bad. Exercising in the gym had helped a bit, except when she’d been jogging - the up-down motion of it had made her hyper-aware of her bra under her vest-top, and that had brought on the nausea. Something about it was just making her feel awful. Even the feeling of her long hair clinging to her back thanks to the water of the shower was somehow horrendous. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, not so water wouldn’t go in them, but so she couldn’t see herself, either by looking down or as a vague reflection in the tiles…

This was the worst kind of day. The kind of day in which she really did feel completely and utterly wrong. Everything was wrong. And she still couldn’t understand why.

It was the quickest shower she’d ever had, she barely even managed to shampoo her hair before the nausea got too much and she had to get out, the heat of the water only making her feel worse. She plastered on a fake smile and took her time walking back to the dorm, so that when she did get there it seemed like a normal amount of time had passed. She then claimed that she was extremely tired from her vigorous workout, and clambered into bed as if to sleep.

She didn’t sleep though. Instead, silent tears trickled down her cheeks to stain her pillow. Her roommates almost didn’t notice the occasional stuttered breaths she would take, but eventually Virginia picked them up.

“Arianna?” The breathing stopped abruptly. Ellen looked up from her book in confusion, and Virginia nodded her head towards the other girl. “Are you crying….?”

“No.” The response was immediate - far too fast - and shaky, despite the shortness of the word. 

Ellen closed her book and moved closer to Arianna’s bed. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine. Just tired.” The same response; and as she said it, she curled in on herself, shielding as much of her face from view as she conceivably could while still being able to breathe. Ellen gulped, glancing to Virginia, who shrugged sadly. They weren’t going to get anywhere, that much was certain.

Eventually, Arianna did fall asleep, just before dinner. Ellen nearly woke her, but Virginia persuaded her against it in the hope that the rest might ease whatever burden what weighing on their friend’s shoulders.

Hieronymous noticed the empty place beside Miss Danson and Miss Middleton though. He tried to avoid staring, but his gaze would flick over to the dining hall doors and the empty seat every couple of minutes. At one such moment, Virginia’s eyes raised simultaneously and concerned glances met across the room. Her mouth settled into a grimace, and Ellen raised an eyebrow at her friend’s sudden silence before following her gaze. The Professor dropped his eyes to his food, which was going mostly uneaten.

His thoughts wandered in concern. Had something happened? Arianna wasn’t the type to miss meals… 

But he didn’t get the chance to dwell on it for too long, as he noticed a presence beside him. It was Virginia. “Miss Danson?”

“She was crying… Arianna, I mean. She’s been crying all afternoon. She fell asleep just before we left for dinner… We didn’t want to wake her.” She watched as the stern mask of Professor Grabiner faltered into that of a concerned husband. He was about to open his mouth to ask for more information, but Virginia shook her head. “Before you ask, no… She wouldn’t tell us what was wrong. She just said she was tired.”

“I see.” He gulped. There must be something they could do… Leaving her to suffer alone was ridiculous. But he couldn’t think of anything. There wasn’t one solitary thing he could think of to help.

While his mind had wandered again, Ellen had also made her way over. “Professor… maybe you can try asking her?” He raised an eyebrow in silence. “Well, she won’t tell us… Maybe she’ll tell you.” Even as she said it, it was clear that the blonde didn’t believe it would work.

“I suppose I can try, Miss Middleton. But-”

“But nothing! You’re her husband!” Virginia cried. Ellen went pink and Hieronymous cringed as several pairs of eyes turned to look at the trio. To her credit, the red-head looked sheepish at her outburst, though it only lasted a moment before the righteous fire was back in her eyes. “You’re her husband.” She repeated, quieter this time. “It’s your job to look after her. Right?”

He sighed. “You are correct, of course. Very well.” He almost stood and left immediately, but Arianna was supposedly sleeping; it probably wasn’t a good time to attempt his interrogation.

Virginia stared at him expectantly. “Well…? Go then.”

“I was under the impression that you wanted to let her sleep?”

“Finding out what’s wrong is more important…. Isn’t it?” Ellen pointed out nervously. He had to concede that was his view as well. With permission seemingly granted, Hieronymous stood and dismissed his food.

“I assume the door is locked?”

“Oh, yeah… I’ll let you in.” Virginia muttered. 

A few minutes later, they were all stood outside the dorm room as Virginia unlocked the door. She opened it and peeked inside. Judging by the gentle rise and fall of the shape across the room, Arianna was still asleep. The redhead stepped aside and gestured inside. 

“We’ll be in the library.” Ellen stated, ignoring the indignant look and slew of protests that she received from Virginia as she grabbed her arm and pulled her down the corridor. “Good luck!” 

Steeling himself, Hieronymous stepped into the room and allowed the door to close softly behind him, though he was careful to ensure it didn’t lock itself. A quick scan of the room allowed him to immediately ascertain which side of the room belonged to which of Arianna’s friends; Ellen’s side was spotless, while Virginia’s looked as though a powerful wind spell had blown through it. Then, there was Arianna’s section. Neat, but not perfect: several books haphazardly piled on her desk; a couple of makeup products spilling from a small bag, and a large hoodie slung over the back of her desk chair. 

He quietly pulled said chair out to seat himself beside the bed. It took several long moments of watching the duvet move up and down before he could bring himself to disturb her. She looked peaceful, since the tension his wife so often carried was not able to remain in her shoulders while she slept. Finally though, he reached out a hand to shake her awake.

A reluctant groan worked its way out of her mouth as she awkwardly twisted her neck around to see which of her roommates had disturbed her, fully prepared to deliver a strong death glare, and perhaps a weak slap to the hand. But she stilled as she noticed a familiar hat perched atop dark hair, and a pale face marred by a worried frown. “Hieronymous…?” Her voice was muffled both by sleep and the duvet that was half covering it. He watched a hand peek out from the duvet and push it away slightly before moving up to rub at her eye - which was crusted over with dry tears, judging from the wince of pain the action drew from her.

Sluggishly, Arianna maneuvered herself into a sitting position, keeping the duvet drawn up close to her chest; she felt a little vulnerable in her pajamas, and was almost regretting taking her bra off… Almost. The nausea wouldn’t have been worth it, if she was perfectly honest with herself.

When she seemed to have settled herself, and appeared more awake, Hieronymous allowed himself to speak. “Please forgive me for waking you. But I have been informed that you were crying…” Even he cringed internally at how formal he sounded, but this wasn’t particularly his strong suit. He was a teacher, not a counselor. He didn’t even have friends to speak of. He may have grown somewhat accustomed to speaking ‘normally’ with Arianna when they had tea together at the weekends, but comforting her? He had no clue where to start. “Is something the matter?”

Her gaze fell to the duvet, which she clasped a little tighter in her hands. “No. I’m fine.” He almost leveled a glare at her, but 1) that would probably make things worse; and 2) she wasn’t looking at him anyway.

“That is clearly not the case, and it has not been the case for a long while.” At that, she looked at him, shock written all over her features. “You surely didn’t think that nobody would notice… did you?” Arianna bit her lip, and that was all the answer he needed. “I have noticed, as have your friends. Sometimes you simply seem… Uncomfortable. I’ve no other word to describe it. We are all worried about you; we just want to know what is wrong, so that perhaps we can hel-”

“You can’t help.” Her voice was so subdued, it made his chest ache slightly.

“Well, I can’t help if you won’t tell me what is wrong.”

Silence hung between them; he saw no sense in pushing the point. Patience was key. Sure enough, after a couple of minutes, his patience was rewarded with a devastatingly quiet admittance: “That’s the problem. I don’t know what’s wrong.” Maybe it should have made her feel better, to finally tell someone… But it didn’t. It just brought fresh tears to her eyes, and reignited the nausea in her stomach. Her husband’s chest tightened at the sight. “Sometimes I just feel… wrong. I feel sick, and stressed, and like my head’s going to explode. But I don’t know why.” Her lips quivered as she drew in a shaky breath, trying desperately not to blink. 

But her eyelids would not obey, and her tears were shaken loose - accompanied by a quiet, broken sob. The duvet slipped from her fingers as she tried desperately to wipe the tears away, but more and more fell, replacing each dismissed droplet.

Hieronymous was frozen for a while, unable to cope with the sight of his young wife crying as all the bottled up emotions of years past finally spilled over. Eventually though, he was able to move again, and do the only thing he could think to: he leaned forward and wrapped his arms, gently, around her shaking frame. As the warmth of his touch spread through her limbs, Arianna found her sobs growing louder, and she fell into his embrace, her hands falling from her face to clasp at his robes.


	5. Good Day

“How are you feeling today?” Hieronymous asked as Arianna entered his rooms for their usual weekend ‘date’ - which was certainly not how either of them catagorised the meetings, at all. Not one bit… Okay, maybe a tiny bit. He had already gleaned that his wife was at least ‘okay’ today, considering her choice of clothing - leggings and a tunic-top with a cardigan, rather than the baggy hoodies and cargo pants or jeans she finally felt comfortable wearing around him on her bad days.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t understand her thought process when it came to avoiding such things; the term ‘Lord’ tended to clash badly with the very idea of such clothing. But he had finally managed to convince her that he didn’t care. He wasn’t a ‘Lord’ here, he was her husband. Even in the unlikely event that he took up the family title one day (which he was still trying to figure out how to avoid), he would defend his wife’s right to wear whatever she wanted - high society be damned.

The bright smile he received was reassuring, and she need not have said “Actually I’m feeling pretty good today”, for he could read it in her expression, and the ease of her movement. 

“I am glad to hear it. Would you like to attempt pouring the tea today?” 

Her smile faltered by a minuscule amount. “You really think I could manage it…? I dunno, my control is still… um… kind of crap.” She had tried to put it in a nicer way, but there really was no way around it. She was only a Sophomore, and she didn’t exactly have a heavy focus on Red Magic in the first place. She had been improving a lot in it, but she couldn’t even control a bouncy ball safely, let alone a delicate tea-pot.

“I believe you could, but if you don’t feel confident, you can always try some other time.”

“Yeah… Some other time, I think. I don’t wanna break anything.” Hieronymous shrugged. The teapot wasn’t exactly special - he didn’t mind if it broke, but he knew that if Arianna attempted the spell combination and it _did_ break, her confidence would be severely knocked, and it certainly wasn’t worth that risk until she was confident in her own ability. So he waved his hand and poured the tea himself as always and they settled down to catch up on the weeks events.

It was coming up to Christmas now - the thanksgiving fundraiser had been another great success thanks to Arianna’s choice of candles (this time, she didn’t have to take the last shift, but she stuck around anyway to help pack up, and to make sure her husband didn’t lose track of the time like last year) and she’d passed the last dungeon exam with flying colours thanks to her extra gym training. “So… I take it Petunia is going ahead with her ridiculous Secret Santa idea again this year?”

“Yup. I still think she rigs the darn thing - I got Ellen. Thankfully this time I can go to the mall today and actually buy something for her.”

“I am pleasantly surprised that she didn’t try to make you be a Secret Santa for _me_.” His comment earned a laugh.

“I don’t think even Potsdam would go that far. Maybe she thinks we’re doing just fine on our own now.” She added a subtle wink in, and was pleased to see a very faint hint of pink tinge her husband’s cheeks.

He coughed awkwardly. “Regardless, I suppose it would be against the spirit of the idea. She likes to foster friendships between students, if I recall.” He cleared his throat again, as if to mark the end of that conversation. “So, what did you study this week? I only saw you in one Blue Magic class.” His wife chuckled in amusement at how desperate he was to move away from the subject of the Secret Santa. She could easily steer the conversation back to it, but why make him uncomfortable?

“I was catching up on my Green Magic. I keep forgetting about it, because it doesn’t cross over with Blue at all.” She giggled nervously at the admission.

“I see. Well, it _is_ rare for anyone to have a full understanding of all scopes of magic. It is perfectly normal that you would gravitate towards a certain colour and leave one or two behind.”

“Yeah, but I was really behind on Green. Like… my understanding of it doesn’t actually cover all the basics yet.”

And so their conversation continued, as they brought each other up to speed on how the week had progressed. Arianna always found it interesting to hear which students had dared to cause disruptions in her husband’s classes (it was usually Freshmen who didn’t attend his classes frequently enough to know how bad an idea it was), or what book he was reading, and Hieronymous in turn enjoyed hearing about his wife’s studies, as well as sports club and whatever other ways Arianna filled her spare time (which also included a fair few books).

Before either of them knew it, it was almost time for Hieronymous to go and supervise detentions. “Do you think you’ll ever have a week with no detentions?” Arianna asked as she stood, genuinely curious (and unable to hide the hint of hope in her voice at the idea of perhaps a full Saturday spent with him some time in the future). 

“Doubtful. While Mr Danson has been finding more productive uses of his time,” - not that that meant he didn’t still end up there every so often - “other troublemakers tend to appear… I would certainly like a free weekend sometime this century though.” He answered with a sigh. 

“I’m sure you’ll get one eventually.” It was only a small comfort, but her positivity was enough to make him smile slightly, and even feel a little hopeful. “I hope it isn’t too stressful today. Oh, I almost forgot, are you going to the Chorale concert on Thursday?”

“I was… considering it. Why?”

Suddenly, Arianna looked uncomfortable. Not in the ‘I feel wrong today’ sense, but in the ‘maybe I shouldn’t be asking this’ sense. “We could go together, if you like?” The enthusiasm and spark was still in her eyes, but her voice was quieter and her cheeks flushed. Hieronymous fought the warmth that tried to rise to his own face. This was her suggesting it as an actual ‘date’, as far as he could tell. Not a little catch-up over tea, actually going to an event together. Deliberately together. 

He was tempted to immediately say ‘of course’. After all, they’d become - at the very least - good friends at this point, it was reasonable to perhaps attempt more ‘couple-like’ things like dates… But memories of last year and other students’ reactions to their marriage burst into his mind. She had managed to win the election to be class treasurer again by only a few votes, which were thanks to the campaigning efforts of her friends, and the endorsement of Miss Cochran (perhaps as some kind of apology for being the reason that the information got out). Going to a concert together would mean being seen deliberately spending time together by students, and that could have a knock-on effect to Arianna’s social life. With her own inner turmoil to figure out, was it really a good idea to cause any more pressure?

He had waited too long to reply, it would seem, because Arianna suddenly became very panicked. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have suggested it, it was a stupid idea. Please, forget I said anything!” It seemed like she was about to make a break for the door, and sure enough Hieronymous was only just able to catch hold of her hand as she spun to dash away.

“Arianna, wait.” She turned back to him cautiously, and he felt a little sick at the look of fear on her face. He still had to make up for his early treatment of her, if that fear was ever to disappear entirely. “I apologise. I am not horrified by the idea, but I _am_ concerned about the effect something like that might have on your social life…” The tension and fear melted away to be replaced once more by that awkward, slightly embarrassed, smile.

“Well, Ellen and Virginia already know that I actually _like_ you. They’re the only people I really care about the opinions of, and Virginia sort of suggested I invite you… So I’m not worried.” 

“What of the wider student body though? Your position as treasurer may-”

“If I lose out next year because people judge me, I don’t care.” There it was, in the slight raising of her voice and the determined frown that she gave him. The strength he had seen so often; her resolve, her confidence in her own feelings. It was, if he was honest with himself, one of the reasons he might - _only might_ \- have some slight - _definitely only slight_ \- romantic feelings developing - _certainly not already developed, how dare you suggest such a thing_ \- for his wife.

His own internal battle with his thoughts aside, the smile that graced Hieronymous’ face in that moment spoke volumes to Arianna. “Very well then. I shall be happy to attend with you.” She beamed in response. 

“Okay! Shall I meet you here first? Rather than you coming to get me?”

“That is perhaps a slightly better plan, yes.”

They arranged a time to meet, both smiling the entire time - though Hieronymous wouldn’t admit that if you asked him - and made their way to the door, as they became increasingly aware of the time indicating how soon Professor Grabiner’s presence would be required. 

“I’ll see you on Thursday then.” After a moment of hesitation, she leaned in and hugged him. His arms settled around her shoulders easily, his chin resting on her head as they both enjoyed the warmth of the embrace before they had to pull away and say goodbye.

“I hope you have a good week.” He said as she pulled away.

“You too. Bye.” With one last bright smile, and a slight wave, she hurried away down the corridor. 

With a deep breath, Hieronymous wiped the smile from his face and donned his signature scowl before he stepped out of his rooms.

Arianna, meanwhile, practically skipped down the halls. It was one of those really good days today. She felt right, she hadn’t had any issue looking in the mirror or putting on her makeup - and she was going to savour that feeling as long as she had it.

It lasted as she took the shuttle-bus to the mall. It lasted as she browsed the shops. It lasted as she bought Ellen a necklace with a charm in the shape of a book. It lasted as she took the bus back to the Academy…

And then, as she got into her room, she caught sight of herself in the mirror, and realised that at some point, the good feeling had ended. It wasn’t quite at feeling sick levels of uncomfortable, but the way her top fell just felt off. Luckily, there was a hoodie in easy reach, and she immediately felt better after pulling it over her head and stepping away from the mirror. Taking off her makeup in the bathroom was a little unpleasant, but soon enough it was done and she felt mostly okay again. 

_It was nice while it lasted…_


	6. Chance

It was the evening of the Chorale concert… and it was a bad day. Ellen had already left to get ready, so it was Virginia that was watching sadly as Arianna scratched nervously at her arms.

“You’re scratching again. Stop.” She commanded, and Arianna sighed in exasperation, dropping her arms to her lap. They were allowed to wear normal clothes, since outsiders were attending the concert as well, and that left Arianna in a very uncomfortable position. It wasn’t exactly okay to wear your baggiest clothes to a show, so she was wearing one of her few nice skirts. She’d also put makeup on, just because of the societal expectation that her Mom had drilled into her in middle school, and scratching at her arms was the main thing keeping her from scratching it off her face. “Take the makeup off, Arianna.” It was the fifth time the red-head had said it, and the words were laced with desperation. “I’m not wearing any. It’s fine. I don’t think Grabby will mind - you go to see him without makeup all the time!”

“But this is different, Virginia! This is… Well, not really a date, but it’s close!”

Virginia rolled her eyes. “Every time you go to see him, just you two, it’s basically a date. Seriously, it’s no different.” Virginia couldn’t exactly claim to fully _know_ if it was different, but she certainly didn’t think it was. “Stop scratching your arms! If you’re that uncomfortable, wear a damn hoodie! It’s gonna be dark, nobody will care.”

“I _can’t_ do that!” She could, physically. But psychologically, her Mom’s voice just nagged at the back of her mind. _You can’t go to an event wearing that! Go and put something NICE on!_ She would say. _Why aren’t you wearing any makeup? You need to put in some effort!_

It didn’t matter that her Mom wasn’t there to say those things, she’d said them so often that Arianna could hear the exact tone of her voice in her head.

Virginia sighed. Clearly, this was a lost cause - at least with her being the one to protest… A plan quickly formed in her head. “What time’s Grabby expecting you?”

“Uh… 6:45?”

“Wait, you’re only leaving 15 minutes? To walk from across the school, wait in line and get tickets? You’re kidding, right?”

“You think it’ll take longer…?”

“Heck yeah, I think it will! What if you miss the first song?” Virginia held back the urge to smirk as she saw the worry alight in her friend’s eyes. Of course 15 minutes was plenty of time, but that wasn’t the point. She glanced at the clock. 6:25… “Maybe you should go now? It’s better to get there early anyway, right?”

“Yeah, good point. Okay. Um… I’ll see you later then.” Arianna forced a smile at Virginia as she made her way to the door. Virginia raised a hand to wave vaguely.

“Later.” She let out a sigh as the door closed. As far as she was aware, Grabby was getting good at noticing when Arianna felt off - and hopefully he would give the same advice that she had. If he did, Virginia hoped that Arianna would actually _listen_ to him. She suddenly realised though, that she hadn’t actually changed out her uniform herself, and hurried to do so.

Arianna made her way through the corridors nervously, wringing her hands as she went. Maybe showing up early wasn’t such a good idea… They’d set the time for a reason after all… Maybe he wouldn’t be ready, and he’d get annoyed?

She was stood outside his door for a few minutes before she worked up the courage to knock, but she wasn’t met by an angry husband. He looked relatively normal actually; though he was wearing a set of slightly nicer robes than usual. He wasn’t smiling, but then he never was when he first opened the door.

“Good evening.” Something was wrong, he could sense it. Arianna’s shoulders were nearly up to her ears, and her hands were going pink from the abuse she was doling out on them. She was wearing a skirt, which he had only seen her do twice before (and only on especially good days), but her awkward smile was painfully forced.

“H-hey. Sorry, I’m a bit early, aren’t I?”

“Arianna… Is it a bad day?” He asked softly. Her eyes widened, and immediately tears began to form in her eyes. She’d been trying to pretend everything was fine, but he’d immediately found her out. 

Maybe she could still salvage it… “No, I’m fine. Honest.”

Gently, Hieronymous took his wife’s hand. “You are not. Please don’t lie to me.” The touch sent a wave of emotion through her, and the tears that had formed began to fall. He pulled her gently into his rooms and closed the door before leading her to her usual seat at the table and sitting her down. “If you are having a bad day, why are you pretending?”

“Because…” her breath hitched. “It’s an event… I have to make the effort…”

“Who told you that?” The anger in his voice was unmistakable. How dare someone tell her what to do like that.

“My Mom always did…”

His eyes darkened. “Parents do not control us. She does not get to dictate what you wear, or whether you put makeup on. She is not here. She does not get to dictate _anything_.”

“But if I don’t… people will jud-” He raised an eyebrow, and she fell silent, tears still rolling down her cheeks, taking bits of mascara with them.

“You are worried about people judging you for the way you dress, but not for being married to me?” Arianna had no argument for that. Several times, she opened her mouth hoping that she would come up with some rebuke, but nothing happened and she ended up just looking like she was pretending to be a fish. 

He was right. She didn’t care one bit if people judged her for loving her husband (not that she’d word it like that to him), but she cared if people judged how she dressed… All because her Mom had drilled it into her head that she had to ‘make an effort’. “Come on, I shall help you remove your makeup. And then you can return to your room and change into clothes you feel more comfortable in.” He said as he coaxed her out of the chair and guided her through to his en-suite bathroom.

“Won’t we be late…?” She questioned as he sat her down atop the closed toilet. 

“This won’t take long. Besides, they won’t start precisely on time.” As he spoke, Hieronymous took a washcloth from a small cabinet and held it under running water for a moment, before holding his hand to the cloth and letting a basic cleansing spell infuse the material. “Close your eyes.” Arianna obeyed and gently he began to wipe across her face. The cleansing spell lifted the makeup straight off his wife’s skin easily. Every swipe of the cloth alleviated a little bit of the strain as she felt the gunk disappear, and soon enough she was looking more like herself. “There.” She opened her eyes to see the rare, soft smile of her husband.

Turning her head, she looked at herself in the mirror. “But… my spots…”

“Everyone has them. It is not a crime to have imperfect skin.” There was a familiar bite of sarcasm in his voice, a hint of the tone he used when a student said something particularly stupid to him. But it was softened with concern and care. He took a steadying breath to prepare himself for what he was about to say next. “I think you are beautiful regardless.”

Arianna’s heart nearly stopped as warmth flooded her cheeks and fresh tears sprung to her eyes. Her lips turned upwards in a wobbly smile. “R-really…?”

“Yes. I… will repeat it if I must.” His cheeks had already turned pink, and they began to darken further as he realised the implications of what he’d said. He forced himself to maintain eye-contact, despite the desperate need to look away.

“It’s okay, I heard you the first time.” It would be cruel to make him say it again; today at least. “Thank you, Hieronymous.” She leaned forward to wrap her arms around him and his arms instantly encircled her. 

It was a longer hug than normal, mostly because he was still afraid that his wife might shatter if he let go too soon; Arianna also felt as if she was too fragile to stay composed on her own. Still, they had to let go eventually, but Hieronymous took hold of her hand again. “Now then, you need to go and change. Shall we?” She nodded mutely and once more allowed herself to be led by him, her hand clasped safely in his as he placed his hat atop his head and headed out of the door. 

With a wave of his hand, his rooms were locked, and he began to lead Arianna down the corridors. Arianna glanced in confusion at their joined hands. “Don’t you want to-”

“It’s fine.” He stated, squeezing her hand slightly to reinforce the point. He had decided, long before Arianna had told him that she didn’t care what people thought, that he didn’t care whether students looked at him oddly. They always had anyway, what did it matter if the reason changed? At this particular moment, it didn’t matter one iota, because Arianna needed him. And no ridiculous notion of embarrassment was going to stop him from providing that comfort.

They reached her dorm room just as Virginia was stepping out of it. She was about to lock the door when she noticed them approaching. “Arianna? You’re back.” Her acting was abysmal, especially considering the grateful look she threw at the Professor. 

“I’m going to get changed…” Arianna muttered, barely audibly. Virginia smiled and pushed the door open for her.

Once it shut, Virginia turned to Professor Grabiner and let out a sigh. “I knew she’d listen to you.” She kept her voice quiet, so that Arianna wouldn’t hear her through the door.

“I take it you attempted to get her to change beforehand then?”

“Yeah… I tried to get her to take the damn makeup off too, but no luck. I figured if I got her to go see you a bit early, you’d have more luck.”

Virginia nearly fainted as she saw him smile. _Actually smile. Not smirk, SMILE!_ “Thank you for doing that, Miss Danson. I am simply relieved that she listened to me.”

“I wish we could figure out the main issue though… Like, obviously on a bad day makeup is just a no-no. But why? I don’t get it.”

“I am certain we will ascertain the reason eventually.” There was a hint of worry in his voice, a hint of disbelief at his own words perhaps. 

“I hope so. Anyway, I’m gonna go - don’t wanna cramp your style!” She grinned, waved, and dashed away before he could say anything in reply. 

He didn’t have to wait long, thankfully, for Arianna to emerge again. Now, her hair was tied back in a long ponytail, and she was back in a baggy hoodie and cargo pants. Her hands were shoved deep into the hoodie’s pouch and she looked up at her husband nervously. “Are you sure this is gonna be okay…?”

“I am certain.” He offered his hand to her, and the light began to return to her eyes as she took hold of it, her other hand staying safely in the hoodie. A pleasant silence encapsulated them as they made their way towards the gym. The corridors were mostly empty, others having already made their way down, or simply not bothering to go.

It was when they got close to the gym though, that her grip on his hand tightened as the nerves set in proper. There was still a slight queue to get in. He squeezed her hand, ignoring the looks they were starting to get - all of which were directed at their entwined fingers and not at Arianna’s choice of clothing - and she took a steadying breath. They stepped over to the table. It was being manned by Luke and Logan - probably a favour for Donald. “Good evening, Professor and Mrs Grabiner.” Logan greeted them sincerely, while Luke smiled awkwardly at them and stayed silent, for fear of saying something really wrong. Arianna tensed minutely. “Two tickets?”

“If you would be so kind.” Despite his focus mostly being on maintaining an expression of utter disinterest, he noticed Arianna about to rummage in her pockets and cast her a quelling look before handing over the money for both of them himself. The exchange was completed quickly and Logan flashed them a brilliant smile.

“Enjoy the show.” Hieronymous simply nodded and led Arianna inside the gym.

“I know you are about to protest, but please don’t. I was quite happy to pay this time. We can always take it in turns, if it bothers you?” If he had his way, he’d pay for everything. It made the most sense, considering Arianna didn’t actually _work_ and rather just got $5 in allowance money per week, but he could tell she wasn’t fond of the idea of him paying for everything, so a compromise would have to be made. 

She relaxed greatly at his suggestion. “Okay, that sounds fair.” She decided not to comment on the fact that his words suggested there would be future events that they could go to together, though it brought a slight smile to her face.

The gym was softly lit, not enough for people to notice that the couple’s hands were still joined as they found their seats, and as such they got no odd looks that Arianna could mis-construe as judgement of her attire. Hieronymous scanned the crowd briefly. There were definitely a few alumni here: he instantly spotted William, obviously here to support his brother, and even a few that he recalled from previous years. It was mostly those that had previously been part of the chorale; likely here to relive their own experience to some extent.

Arianna’s discomfort fell to the back of her mind as the singing began, and she focused on Ellen’s nervous, but passionate singing, as well as Donald’s enthusiasm - it really was nice to see him putting effort into something other than pranks. Throughout the entire thing, her fingers remained loosely entwined with her husband’s, but she barely noticed. He did, glancing at her every so often, if only to be certain that she wasn’t uncomfortable. Each time he looked, he was relieved to see that faint smile on her face and was comforted that he’d done the right thing in convincing her to change clothes - he could hardly imagine how tense she would be otherwise.

The performance was over all-too-soon, in Arianna’s opinion, and she had to let go of Hieronymous’ hand in order to clap. The performers bowed, and then clambered down from the stage to mingle with those who had come to see them. Donald made a beeline for his brother, while Ellen stood back to observe with a serene smile. Arianna began to make her way through the bustling crowd, Hieronymous hot on her heels, to congratulate her roommate.

The blonde saw her friend approaching and grinned. “What did you think?” She asked, a hint of nervousness to her voice.

“That was awesome! You were brilliant, Ellen.” Arianna praised, pulling Ellen into a quick hug. 

“I’ll say. You’ve gotten much more confident than you were last year. I’m impressed.” Arianna spun at the unfamiliar voice to see a boy who was… vaguely familiar? His dark skin and horns were certainly recognisable… But Arianna couldn’t recall seeing him around really.

Ellen, however, beamed excitedly. “Blaise!” The two hugged. “I’ve been trying to be braver - I’m glad you noticed.” Arianna frowned, and Ellen realised with a start that the two had never properly met. “Oh, this is Blaise. E kind of ran Chorale last year when e was a senior. Blaise, this is Arianna, one of my roommates.”

The use of the e pronoun took Arianna aback, but she quickly recovered as vague memories returned of a black and white picture in the initiation handbook. “It’s nice to meet you… Sorry um... Weren’t you in butterfly hall?” Which made… no sense. Blaise _looked_ male, but was in butterfly hall and used ‘e’?

“I was. That was just to conform to school traditions - I had to pick one.” Arianna’s confusion only grew. 

“Arianna is wildseed.” Hieronymous piped up, and a look of understanding dawned over Blaise’s features, an easy smile graced eir lips.

“Good to see you again, Professor Grabiner.” E said politely, before turning eir attention back to Arianna. “I’m an Akabesh. It means that day to day my gender can change. But there isn’t a hall for that, so I had to pick one. I switched each year.”

Arianna froze in place, staring at Blaise, as if e held all the answers to the world’s problems. She couldn’t form words, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe. Blaise could _change eir gender._

Ellen and Professor Grabiner both watched Arianna’s face morph from confusion to understanding, to envy, then to confusion again, and it just kept going - her expression couldn’t seem to settle. The two looked to each other as the penny dropped simultaneously in both of their heads. _  
_

“Arianna… is everything alright?” Blaise asked quietly. “Sorry, I know it can be a bit confusing for wildseeds-”

“You can… change gender…?” Arianna’s voice was barely a whisper, and it was only then that the three noticed tears beginning to form in the teen’s eyes. Blaise blinked a couple of times in confusion, looking to the Professor for help. 

Hieronymous placed a hand on his wife’s - no, his spouse’s - shoulder. “I think I understand now.” Arianna looked up at him with the widest, most hope-filled eyes he had ever seen. He tore his gaze away to lock eyes with Blaise. “Arianna has been struggling for a long while with various things… Sometimes, she just feels ‘wrong’. On those days, like today, she can’t wear makeup or skirts, because they make her uncomfortable. I think, perhaps, even saying ‘she’ is perhaps making you uncomfortable, isn’t it?” He looked back to Arianna, who nodded. Blaise understood immediately.

“Arianna.” E said, pulling said teen’s attention onto em. “I think you might be gender-fluid. I’ve met a few other humans who struggle like you. It’s hard to cope with when you don't innately have the ability to change your outside to suit how you feel inside… But I think changing your pronouns would help.”

“So… I should use e and em?”

“Do they feel better than she and her?” The metaphorical gut-punch Arianna received just at the mention of those words suggesting that yes, they did. E nodded. “Then that’s a good start. There are things you can do to help you deal with this. Although it looks like you already do some of that yourself.” Blaise said, indicating Arianna’s clothing with a smile.

“I’ve… felt like this for years… But I didn’t know there was a word for it.”

“The magical world is a bit out of touch, sometimes… The mundane world has the advantage of the internet, where people can talk about this stuff, but we don’t have that, so it’s much harder to figure things out when you’re surrounded by tradition.” It was clear from Blaise’s voice that e didn’t approve of how isolated the magical world was from the mundane one, but e shrugged. “But yes. There’s a word for it. You’re not a freak.” E added in a wink for good measure and Arianna smiled as the tears were suddenly shaken loose from eir eyes.

“Woah, woah, woah, who made my roommate cry!?” Came an energetic voice as Virginia finally made her way over to the trio. 

“Calm yourself, Miss Danson. Arianna’s tears are of relief.”

“Blaise helped us figure out why Arianna has bad days!” Ellen announced, her smile bright - though there was a hint of frustration underneath it at not figuring it out herself.

“I’m gender-fluid…” Somehow, saying it made the relief even more palpable, and a single laugh escaped Arianna’s lips. “I’m so dumb, I should’ve figured it out ages ago.”

“No… We should have. I am sorry that I was so blind. It seems… a little obvious now.” Hieronymous admitted sheepishly.

Blaise waved an arm. “Don’t blame yourself. Magical society is so hell-bent on male and female roles, it wouldn’t even enter your mind.”

Arianna offered eir husband a warm smile. “It’s okay. If I couldn’t figure it out, how were you going to?” E took his hand and squeezed it, though a nervousness passed over eir features. “Is this going to… change anything?”

Hieronymous shook his head with a smile. “Not in the way I think you’re fearing. But a couple of changes will occur, certainly.”

“So… we just gotta call you e and em, right?” Virginia asked.

“If… if that’s okay?”

The redhead pulled her friend into an awkward side-ways hug. “Don’t be dumb! Of course it is. I don’t like seeing you all gloomy, so if it makes you feel better why wouldn’t we do it? Right?” She looked to the others for confirmation, and they both nodded.

“Y-yeah! We just want you to be happy.” Ellen stammered. “I’ll do my best… It might take me a while though… Sorry in advance!”

Arianna wiped eir tears away as best as e could, though it was in vain as more just kept falling. 

Hieronymous moved his hand to eir shoulder. “We shall all try our best. I also apologise if I make a mistake.”

Blaise, happy to be of help, began to talk again with Arianna, asking if e was comfortable with eir name, whether e ever felt like neither gender was right (which Arianna realised was exactly what those ‘okay, but still not quite right’ days were) and helping the teen unravel years of confusion and doubt.

As that happened, Professor Grabiner and Arianna’s two roommates exchanged looks of sheepishness, each berating themselves mentally for not realising it sooner, but mostly just relieved that finally they knew what was going on, which meant they could help Arianna deal with it properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost made the mistake of having Blaise still be a student - before I remembered that e was Luke and Logan’s senior in initiation so DERP, e obviously graduated!


	7. Gift

Once again, the gates of Iris Academy loomed before em. It hadn’t been quite as horrendously long spent away from what Ari, at this point, considered eir true home, but it had still been a while and the feeling of relief at being back on familiar ground was wonderful.

E had decided to shorten eir name to Ari as it was a little less inherently feminine - not that Arianna made em especially uncomfortable, unless it was a ‘boy-day’, as e now referred to them. It was still early days with the name shift, and e fully expected a few slip-ups, or maybe to just decide that Arianna was actually fine, but it was worth a shot. Granted, it was eir friends and husband that had convinced em that it was worth a shot - anything to make em happier - but just knowing what e was feeling had already helped massively, so honestly e wasn’t too bothered about the name at the moment.

Ari was a little early back, compared to the bulk of students anyway, and Ellen had gone to stay with Virginia again so she wasn’t here to greet em. The disappointment was short-lived though as e noticed a familiar brooding professor doing his best to appear inconspicuous without being invisible. When he spotted his spouse, noting the baggy hoodie and cargo pants e was wearing rather than the usual uniform (mid-sophomore year seemed to be the usual point that students realised they didn’t have to wear the robes _all_ the time), he allowed himself to move away from the shadows of the building and stepped forward with a smile.

“Welcome back, Ari.” He greeted as e dropped eir baggage and moved forward to embrace him. He flushed, but ignored the creeping need to check if anyone was watching. “How was your holiday?” The slight grumble that he heard from his spouse was not especially comforting. “Not good?”

Ari pulled away from the hug and picked up eir things again. “It was… a standard christmas.” E began to lead the way into the school, and Hiernoymous kept apace. 

“Would you like help with your things?” He asked, already knowing the answer he would receive. Sure enough, Ari shook eir head.

“I’ve got it. Anyway, Christmas… Mom made me wear my ‘nicest dress’ because ‘it’s an event’… I got given a bunch of makeup and jewelery as gifts; just standard stuff. Every day except Christmas day was relaxing at least.”

“You aren’t telling your parents, then?” He hadn’t imagined it would happen, considering that Ari’s Mother was clearly a believer in traditional gender roles. Still… it would only make the teen’s visits home even more awkward than normal for a magical student.

“It’s not worth the hassle. I’ve pretended my whole life, what’s a couple of weeks here and there?” Neither of them were quite willing to acknowledge that summer break was more than just ‘a couple of weeks’, but it was a while until then anyway. “How was yours?”

Busy would be his accurate answer… But if he said that, he’d be asked what he was busy with- and that was meant to be a surprise. “I had a few things to do, but I mostly enjoyed the peace.” Some students were still around during the Christmas holidays, for reasons it was best not to think about, but not nearly enough to cause the cacophony that he dealt with for most of the year. 

“I bet that was a nice break then.” E said with a teasing smile. If Ari knew anything about eir husband, it was how stressful he found noise. He preferred to be able to focus and that usually required silence. Silence wasn’t something one came across often in a school though.

“It was indeed.” He was about to say that he’d managed to get lots done, but once again… that would invite questions.

The two made their way through the corridors, making pleasant small talk as they went, and eventually they arrived in front of Ari’s dorm room. “I suppose I ought to leave you to settle in. Would you care to join me for tea a little later on?”

“Sure, that’d be nice.” Ari said, that sparkle he was so fond of lighting up eir eyes. “Shall I drop by in about an hour?”

He nodded. “That should be fine. I shall see you then.” With a soft smile, he left his spouse to unpack. 

Stepping back into the dorm room was nice, Ari had to admit. Sure, having eir own space while back home was nice, but it came with the caveat of decoration that eir Mom had chosen. Pastel walls and flowery bedding… Not that Ari hated those things especially, but the knowledge that eir Mom had chosen those colours because it was a ‘girl’s’ room stung a bit. Here, the colour palette was as neutral as could be, and Ari and Ellen had been experimenting with those illusions they’d discussed back in Freshman year, as their collective Blue Magic skill improved and they became more confident that it was possible to redecorate the room that way.

The hour seemed to drag on, as if the anticipation of getting to spend time with Hieronymous had made the rest of time boring and unpleasant. Ari was finished unpacking within fifteen minutes, and e found emself dragging out the act of writing a diary entry about moving back in, meaning that it was quite possibly the neatest example of eir handwriting, considering how slowly e had written it. 

Hieronymous, meanwhile, spent his hour checking that everything was neat. Then, he checked again. Then, he checked that he had everything he needed for tea; he also checked that twice, then three times. Eventually, he managed to satisfy himself that everything was in its proper place after half an hour of checking and re-checking, and he forced himself to sit down and read for the remainder of the time he was waiting.

He couldn’t really focus on the book though. One hand was firmly in his pocket, and kept bringing out a wooden box; opening it to check that the contents were still in good condition, before replacing it in his pocket. Why the contents would be in anything but good condition, he couldn’t say.

Finally, a knock sounded at his door, and he shook his nerves away as best he could as he set his book aside and went to greet Ari at the door. E hadn’t changed clothes, which Hieronymous was glad of; it meant the time away hadn’t allowed old anxieties to return, Ari was still comfortable presenting as masculine in front of him. In aid of this presentation, Ari’s hair was pulled back into a ponytail and there wasn’t a bit of makeup on eir face. “Please, come in.” He stepped aside and Ari entered with a slightly awkward smile - okay, maybe some of the anxieties lingered… E took eir usual seat at the table, looking a little extra nervous for some reason. Hieronymous wasn’t going to stand for that. He took his own seat and looked the teen straight in the eye. “Is something the matter? You seem tense.” It wasn’t the usual tension either. He had learned how to spot the tension of Ari’s boy-days. This was an extra layer on top of that.

His spouse tried to force that tension out of eir frame before throwing him an innocent look. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m fine.” Hieronymous didn’t reply, but he did raise an eyebrow. It was all that was needed to crack the thin facade, and Ari shifted under his gaze. “It’s dumb, you don’t need to worry about it.” His expression did not change, and it was quickly obvious that he wouldn’t let it go until e told him. “I was just… nervous about showing up like this.”

Hieronymous’ stomach dropped. “We’ve had that conversation before, surely.”

“Yeah but not… I mean… That was before…” Ari seemed to be struggling to articulate what exactly was causing the anxiety, but Hiernoymous had an idea.

“It makes no difference to me that it is because you feel male today.” He said, bluntly, making Ari look up at him with bewildered eyes. “That is what you are trying to explain, correct? The fact that our conversation occurred _before_ we knew why wearing things like that makes you feel better on these days?”

“Y-yeah…” The tension had started to fade, but it was still clinging on like a particularly frightened insect to a cloth it didn’t want to be flung from.

“Ari. You are not a different person because of this.” He paused for a moment to gather his pride - he was fully prepared to be mocked for sounding soppy if it would help. “You are still intelligent, witty, funny, caring and brilliant. You are still my spouse.” He put particular emphasis on the neutral term, watching as a smile slowly formed on Ari’s face. “I could not care less what you present as day-by-day, because the person on the inside does not change.” Tears had begun to form in the teen’s eyes at the sentiment. “If you need proof… Here. This is something I have been putting together over the holiday.” He brought out the box and placed it on the table in front of his spouse.

E stared at the box in confusion, taking in the beautiful engravings and how expensive the dark, polished wood looked. This wasn’t a mere trinket box. Ari looked up to meet Hieronymous’ eyes, and he gestured to the box. Gently, Ari opened it. Inside it was lined with plush, black velvet, and sat in the middle of it was a dark leather bracelet with a large, cloudy stone set into it. The band was intricately weaved together, and Ari didn’t need to ask to know that the stone had some kind of magical property; it was glowing faintly. Reverently, Ari pulled the leather band from the box and closely examined the stone. “It’s… beautiful.” Eir brain had stalled, moved by such a lovely gift, but still confused about how it was ‘proof’.

“I imagine you can already tell the stone is magical.” Eir husband stated, and e nodded. “Have you any idea what it might do?” Ari shook eir head silently. “It is a complexly enchanted item, which gives you the ability to shift your outward appearance. Let me clarify, it is not a glamour-stone. The shift _is_ physical.”

The pieces began to fall into place, and Ari stared at Hieronymous in awe. “You’re not serious… are you?” He could see the beginnings of a joyous smile about to stretch his spouse’s lips, though e was clearly trying not to get too hopeful. Hieronymous nodded.

He held out a hand. “May I?” It took a moment to understand what he was asking, but then Ari nodded and placed eir hand in his, passing him the bracelet. He slipped the band onto his spouse’s slim wrist and tightened it gently and carefully. “Are you ready? Touch the stone and concentrate on how you want to appear.” He let go of eir hand with an encouraging smile and Ari nodded.

It took a long moment for em to work up the courage to do it. Was this going to feel right? What if they’d all been wrong? What if… Ari saw Hieronymous’ calm smile and realised that it probably didn’t matter either way. This was his proof - his promise that it didn’t matter to him. 

As soon as eir fingers brushed the cool surface of the stone, its glow brightened and a wave of magic pulsated from it, down Ari’s arm and across eir entire body. Eir breath was stolen for a moment, as e felt the changes occurring. Eir head felt just a little bit lighter, so did eir chest… Nothing happened in the crotch area though - Ari just wanted rid of the things that screamed ‘female’, for now at least. E could figure other stuff out down the line… A couple of seconds was all it took for the magic to do its job. Ari moved a hand to eir hair. It had shortened, the bobble gone as it wasn’t needed. E looked down, eir hand coming down to press against eir flat chest. The bra was still there, and it was a little odd to feel it there when it wasn’t needed. Eir gaze flew up to Hieronymous again, whose smile was serene and relieved at the sight of the disbelieving smile on Ari’s face.

“This… This is amazing…” The tears that had been welling up for a while finally fell as Ari’s voice, unchanged by the magic, began to shake. “I c-can’t… I can’t belie-” E stood from eir chair and hurried around the table to pull Hieronymous into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around em as naturally as ever, though he admitted the hug felt different to normal. It would take a little getting used to, but anything to see em smile. “Thank you.”

“Don’t just thank me. I had a little help.” He admitted. Ari pulled away to give him a quizzical look. “Well, Petunia helped me with the enchantment… And my Father provided the stone.”

“You… spoke to your Father?”

“I did not tell him what the stone was for; except that it was a gift for you. He was… the best source.”

Ari didn’t give a damn if he’d told him everything, it was the mere idea that he had contacted someone he didn’t even read the letters of, for eir sake. “You did that… for me?”

“Of course.” He said it as if it was simple, as if what he’d done wasn’t significant at all; though even he was aware that it _was_ significant. He hadn’t thought twice about it though. He hadn’t cared what he had to deal with, or how much work he’d had to put in.

“Hieronymous… thank you.” E said. “This is… I can’t even really… This is amazing. You’re amazing. I lo-” E choked back the words, unsure about whether it was okay to say them.

But eir husband smiled, taking hold of eir hands. “I love you too, Ari.”

* * *

Hieronymous’ hand on eir shoulder was comforting, that couldn’t be denied, but the dread washing through em as e prepared to walk back to the dorm room was palpable. He could feel it coming off his spouse in waves, and he couldn’t particularly blame em for the worry. Still, if he knew Ari’s friends even slightly, he couldn’t imagine they would be anything but supportive.

“Are you certain you want to do this alone?” He had offered to walk em to eir room, but Ari had said e needed to do this emself, that it was an important step in accepting emself. He certainly agreed that acceptance was important, but if things did go badly he wanted to be there to remind em that it was okay.

“Not entirely… But I’d rather at least try it. Even just to see if they recognise me.” E laughed slightly, eir tone clearly meant to be joking, but there was definitely an undercurrent of genuine fear. 

“If they do not recognise you, they are far more dense than I gave them credit for.” He bit sarcastically. Miss Danson, he admitted, might have a little trouble, but Miss Middleton was smart - she ought to be able to figure it out.

Ari took his remark as comfort though; if he had faith, surely e could too. E stuffed one hand into eir hoodie pouch, ready to try and look at least vaguely non-chalant, and tried to ignore the presence of eir bra in said pouch; keeping it on had been uncomfortable, and it was the only pocket big enough to carry a piece of clothing in… It was lucky really that Hieronymous had an en-suite bathroom, or e’d have been stuck wearing the damn thing.

The teen’s hand finally found the door handle and opened it. Even from this desolate area of the school, e could hear the bustle of students returning in bulk, discussing their Christmas break as they dragged suitcases around the halls. E turned to face eir husband and smiled. “Wish me luck.”

“I doubt you’ll need it, but good luck.” His voice was kind, but his practiced scowl was back on his face, despite the lack of anyone around; it was a good habit to be in, Ari supposed. 

E hesitated for a moment, but reasoned that saying ‘I love you’ meant that they could at least act a little more affectionate. E stretched up to plant a quick kiss on Hieronymous’ cheek. “Thanks. See you later.” Ari said, savouring the slightly stunned look on eir husband’s face as e turned away and finally left. Hieronymous didn’t allow himself to smile until the door was closed again.

Ari now had both hands in the hoodie pouch, both out of comfort and a slight paranoia that if e didn’t do that, the bra would fall out. One or two people caught eir eye as e made eir way through the halls, all of them seeming to question why the boy looked familiar if they’d never actually met him before.

It wasn’t as if e looked _totally_ different from normal, eir face had not changed, nor had e gained any height. But a magically induced haircut and breast reduction did mean that e looked sufficiently different, in the best way possible. It was freeing to be able to feel right when these sorts of days so frequently meant holing emself up in eir room holding back tears and trying desperately to distract emself.

It was when e entered the girl’s halls that e started getting more confused looks; though e noted that it was only wildseeds giving em such looks. Pastel didn’t bat an eyelash, nor did Minnie. Actually, Minnie did the opposite and grinned at em. E hadn’t told anyone… but Minnie was always a shrewd girl. “Did you have a good Christmas break?” She asked brightly, and this time Pastel did looked confused. 

“You know this guy, Minnie?” Minnie looked at her roommate with a mix of exasperation and surprise.

“Hey Pastel. It’s me… Ari? Class treasurer?” Ari removed a hand from eir hoodie to give a small wave. Pastel’s eyes widened.

“Oh! I… didn’t recognise you.” The familiar awkwardness Pastel had around em returned; she’d never quite got over the whole ‘married Professor Grabiner’ thing. She promptly excused herself to continue unpacking, and Minnie let out a sigh.

“For a minute, I thought she might have got over it.”

“It’s fine, I get that some people still find it weird. Guess I’m not helping my case, looking like this, am I?” Ari muttered, laughing nervously.

Minnie’s smile returned, kind and reassuring. “Don’t be silly. I think you look great, and it doesn’t matter what other people think anyway!” The two shared a short moment of awkwardness at the thought of it possibly mattering for the elections again next year, but it wasn’t explicitly mentioned. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“No, ask away.”

“Would you prefer he? Or should I go with e?” Her smile didn’t falter at all, and Ari felt emself mirroring it slightly.

“E, if that’s alright. I’ll be… switching.” It was the only word available, and it seemed a bit odd to say, but Minnie nodded in understanding, and her gaze flicked to the stone that could just barely be seen peeking out from beneath the sleeve of the hoodie e was wearing. 

“Got it. Well, I’ll see you later, Ari.” The cheery president waved goodbye and stepped into her room. 

That was one person who had recognised em, and one that hadn’t, so the score was pretty even. Ari could only hope it would be a little more weighed towards the ‘recognise’ side for eir two friends.

Nobody else acknowledged Ari’s movement through the dorms, apart from with those occassional glances or raised eyebrows, and eventually e found emself in front of the door to eir room. It was shut, but there was the muffled yet distinct sound of Ellen cleaning inside, with Virginia’s voice blathering randomly about subjects that Ari couldn’t actually make out.

E nearly knocked, but that was silly, right? It was still eir room… E shouldn’t _need_ to knock. In fact, if e did knock, they’d be less likely to recognise em. No knocking. Ari took a deep breath, checked that nobody was looking at em weirdly for lingering outside the door, and then reached for the handle. E was deliberately a little slower than normal, to give the two plenty of warning that someone was coming in. Virginia’s rambling stopped, but Ellen’s cleaning didn’t, as the door opened.

Virginia started slightly, clearly expecting long-haired, round-chested Ari to walk in, but she calmed down quickly when she recognised her friend’s eyes, awkward smile and favourite hoodie. “Ari?” She asked, a hopeful smile on her face. Ellen turned from her task and gasped.

“Wow! H-how did you…?” She stammered. Ari smiled awkwardly.

“I’m glad you recognised me.”

Virginia rolled her eyes. “Come _on_ , we’re your friends! Of course we recognise you!”

“I… I wondered where you were - since your stuff was already here.”

“Bet e was with Grabby.” Virginia teased, earning a blush. She laughed. “Hah! Knew it.” She glanced at the still open door, which Ari was stood awkwardly in. “Dude, it’s still your room… We’re not gonna kick you out.” Virginia’s little addition of ‘dude’ did wonders for Ari’s confidence, making em feel like e’d grown a few inches taller. E stepped properly inside and shut the door. “So, how’s it feel? Being… dude-ish?”

Ari made eir way to eir bed and sat down. “Weird… but good.”

“You still haven’t said how though.”

“Jeez, Ellen. Quit being a nerd.” It was clear the red-head didn’t actually mind, based on the fond smile she had on her face.

“It’s okay. It’s thanks to this.” Ari rolled up eir sleeve to show the girls the bracelet. “Hieronymous gave me it.” E smiled fondly. 

Virginia stared at the intricate, high quality leather and the glowing stone. “Seriously? Grabby gave you that? Daaaaaamn, I think he’s serious about this marriage!”

“So it’s an enchantment? Is it a glamour?” Ellen asked, much more interested by the actual magic behind the transformation.

“No, it’s a physical transformation.” To prove the point, Ari placed a hand on eir flat chest. Conscious that it probably wasn’t conclusive proof, e removed the bra from the hoodie. “I don’t even need a bra.”

Ellen balked. “You took off your bra while you were with him!?” 

“I don’t think it really matters when you’re a guy at the time, Ellen…” Virginia muttered, amused.

“I went into the bathroom, anyway.” Ari clarified with a pout, though e flushed in embarrassment nevertheless. “Anyway, not the point. All I have to do is touch it and I can switch my appearance to match how I feel. He said it was a combination of blue and green magic, bound to the stone by black magic.”

Ellen’s eyes practically sparkled with intrigue, though she reigned in her curiosity. “That’s amazing! And really sweet of him to do. Virginia’s right, I think he might be serious about making things work. It’s kind of romantic.” And Ellen promptly went off on one about how cute it was that he was willing to do something like that, while Virginia quietly pretended to vomit.

Ari, for eir part, blushed and deflected the comments about Hieronymous’ intentions, but couldn’t help the overjoyed smile stretching eir face as the three of them fell into their usual interactions, unaffected by eir altered appearance. 

Maybe now, finally, Ari could feel a bit less _wrong_ and focus properly on eir studies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Names are a bit of a complex issue, and one that I didn’t really explore myself until about a year after realising I was gender-fluid, because I was trying to unravel everything else about it at the time. Since Ari is in-fact a unisex name though (as far as my research suggests), I figured that our dear protagonist would at least consider trying it out at the suggestion of eir friends.  
> \- Also… I’ve been out to friends for a couple of years now, but only just came out to my parents… It took me a long while to work up the courage to try. Ari doesn’t want/need to do that now, so I didn’t include it. Plus, it doesn’t always go well - mine didn’t. If anyone reading this is struggling with the same thing: your safety, comfort and security come first!  
> \- Finally, thank you for reading!


End file.
